This is My Life

A New Day Has Come . . .

2007-01-04T15:57:00.000-05:00

It's a New Year and hopefully full of many new and fun beginnings. It's been some time, but as usual, I hope to be more frequent with my posts. A lot of things have happened over the last few months. I'm not going to bore anyone with details. However, on of the big events that happened was me turning 30 and as Jay-Z says, "thirty is the new twenty!" I am hoping that this year a lot of good things will come my way. I hope to be at peace with where I am in my life individually and as part of a couple and I hope that Honey and I can have a more tranquil second year of marriage . . . 'cause the first year and a half hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. It's been like a walk/run and full of ups and downs.

Well, this is all for now. Until later . . . Adios.

What a Summer!!!!!

2006-08-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

I wish that I could say that it's been a great summer, but quite frankly, I just can't! Just when I thought things were going to start moving right along, we hit a major bump in the road.

In April, my grandmother (on my mother's side) died after a long series of illnesses. Two months later, Honey's mother died suddenly due to complications from by-pass surgery. Two days after she died, my great uncle (brother to my grandmother who died) passed away. So, Honey and I came back from his mother's funeral to attend my uncle's. Did I mention that in all of that madness was our 1-year wedding anniversary?

Needless to say, that didn't get the celebratory recognition that I had envisioned and planned. At the same time, it's completely understandable. Hell, my MIL died 6 days before our first anniversary. Honey wasn't and hasn't been in much of a celebratory mood.

Although these events were completely outside of our control, it really has put a damper on the summer. It's definitely one that once it passes, I will be happy to say good-bye. Not to mention that it feels like we are hovering somewhere around the 9th ring of hell with temperatures closing in on 100+!!! But, in all seriousness, it has all made me very sad and it has definitely taken a toll on a very new marriage.

Of course, all you hear about the first year of marriage is how blissfully happy you are to finally be husband and wife. Yes, there are the adjustments of learning to compromise and learning to live with someone else (which Honey and I had been doing for a year and a half before we got married). But, what no one does tell you is that all bets are off and the good behavior that once was goes completely out the window!

I'm not saying that my husband is an idiot neanderthal, but the sweet and attentive, totally not your "typcial man" that he was while we were dating and engaged has run off and left me with someone that looks like him, but isn't really! Now, I understand that this has been a difficult time for our household. However, there have been many occasions (and I mean more than one hand count) on which I have wondered what I did? I have found myself wondering if I made a completely huge and disastrous mistake in having married Honey. Great guy, but I'm not sure he's the right husband for me. Things were brewing before the death of his mother, but they've only been exaserbated since then. The hardest thing about all of this is, now is the really the time to address these issues in light of the circumstances. But, what I fear is that when the time is "right" or at least better than what it is now, a lot of major damage will have been done and it may be too late to make things better.

I know that I'm no cakewalk to deal with either. But, at least I try to be attentive and conscious of Honey's needs all the way around. Honey, on the other hand, has completely checked out. It's not that he intentionally does things to hurt and disappoint me. It's the fact that I don't even seem to be a consideration when he makes decisions that's troublesome to me. I know that many people (primarly married women) would say that he's just being a guy. But, I know that he knows better because he demonstrated it with me before. So that answer is just plain unacceptable!!!!

What am I going to do about all of this? Nothing at the moment. But, let me just be clear, that doing nothing isn't going to last forever. Some major changes need to happen before too long or else . . .

What should I do?

2006-05-22T14:50:00.000-05:00

Honey and I got married about a year ago. We decided to have a cookout to celebrate our one-year anniversary. I have started sending out invitations to our friends and family that we are including, but haven't sent them to everyone just yet. Here's my cunundrum.

Last year, a few months after the wedding, I had a falling out with one of my girlfriends. Things in our group had been somewhat tense leading up to the wedding. The funny thing is, I never actually talked with Daphnie, but rather, heard about her issues with me (all which differed according to whom I heard it from) from other people in the circle. I tried talking with her, but she didn't return my calls and then when she decided she was ready to talk with me (months after the fact) I didn't feel the need to talk to her. I will must add that she didn't give us a wedding gift. Then, there's another "friend" who has yet to give us a wedding gift after I had spent a considerable amount of money, never mind time looking for her wedding gift. Plus, she has made a few comments here and there that I didn't appreciate about my husband (before we were married--during the dating stage). Nothing really bad, but it was enough to get under my skin. Finally, my old roommate, also good friends with Daphnie, came to my wedding, but didn't give us a wedding gift.

Now, the one thing that Honey and I said was that we didn't expect people to give us wedding gifts. We both had places of our own before getting married and had pretty much everything that we need. However, I guess I just thought that people who we cared about and people to whom presumably we were special would care enough to at least give a token of affection for us and our special occasion. Perhaps I thought too much.

Here we are and I am wondering if I should invite these three people to our home for our anniversary celebration? I could take the high road with them and just invite them and possibly give them one last shot at redemption or I could not invite them, knowing that this could come back to me later.

I'm probably putting too much thought into this because these people are not going to make or break the gathering. But, it is the principle of the thing. Maybe I will just invite them, but not bother to go through the effort of sending them the cute invitations that I had made for the occasion.

It's been a while!

2006-04-21T12:33:00.000-05:00

I know, I know . . . I haven't been keeping up with this thing. Sometimes, I have so much to say, but not enough time to say it. Oh well, let's try this again.

So, I am totally in love. Unfortunately, it's not with my husband of 10 months (though I must admit that I am in love with him too). I am in love with Nick Lachey (as is every woman right about now I suppose)!!!! I have to say, if Nick would marry me, I would totally leave Honey!!! :-)

I just read his article in Rolling Stone and if I wasn't in love with him before (which I totally was . . . he was truly the whole reason I watched Newlyweds), I have a total soft spot for him now. If only I could meet him.

Unfortunately, I have a totally ho-hum existence and there is nothing in it that would possibly link me to a meeting with Nick even remotely. I guess I am just left with "what if" once again.

Anywho, I am going to try to be better about keeping up. In the meantime, I'm glad to be back and I will stay in touch.

~Mrs. F

It's another Monday

2005-12-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

Well, what can I say . . . it's Monday. The forecast is calling for snow, but I don't believe that it's going to be anything major (maybe I will surprised, but I doubt it). Honey keeps saying that I won't have to go to work tomorrow, but I keep telling him that I'd rather psychologically be ready for work only to not have to go as opposed to hoping that I won't have to go, but end up having to. No expectations! Speaking of expectations . . .

No one tells you this (well, maybe they did and I just didn't listen), but once you get married, your expectations of your spouse change. For example, when Honey and I were dating, it seemed like he did things for me around our then apartment, without me even asking. I will never forget the weekend that I was away with my sorority sisters. I was dog-tired when I got home, but to my delight, Honey had cleaned the entire apartment from top to bottom. I was completely floored. I never asked him to do it or mentioned anything about it needing to be clean. He just did it. Now, there is no question that our house needs to be cleaned on a regular basis, but it's like he has absolutely no clue. He'll acknowledge that things need to get done, but heaven forbid he actually initiate the cleaning effort . . . I'd pee myself if he did!!

A few weeks ago, I mentioned getting a housekeeper/cleaning lady, hoping that perhaps he would realize how ridiculous that would be considering he is home 3 days a week. But, he didn't get it and proceeded to suggest places where I could look to find someone. Can you believe that?!?!? Now, when I am at home for any length of time, I'm constantly doing things. If I was at home as much as he is, I honestly believe that our house would be spotless. But, unless I specifically tell him to do something, like vacuum the floors, I'm not entirely sure what he does with his days. And, while he is in school, he doesn't spend the entire day studying or doing schoolwork so that has been thought of and dismissed as an excuse. What's funny is he actually has the nerve to say that he's going to get a t-shirt made that says, "I'm the husband, not the butler." Only he thinks that shit is funny because as far as cleaning our house goes, he doesn't do near enough shit!!! Oh well, what are you going to do?

What have I gotten myself into?

2005-12-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

It doesn't matter where I go, it's always the same thing . . . employers just don't know what to do with me! Or, maybe it's just that I keep picking the wrong jobs. I don't know, but one thing I do know is I am totally and completely frustrated!!!

While I understood that my recruitment position was something new and something that was without much foundation (for lack of a better word), I had no idea that it was going to be this crazy and chaotic. If it weren't for the fact that the person who had my job before me is working in a different department, I would have been totally screwed for the last three weeks. My boss has been pretty hands off as far as getting me acclimated goes and has been very generous in terms of giving me a whole lot of new things to do! Now, it seems that they want me to take on even more before I truly even know the enormity of the job that I am supposed to be doing!

Someone in another department, that is somewhat interrelated to mine, has decided to leave just as things in that department (and mine for that matter) are about the switch into high gear. So, my boss, along with the other department's head, decided that it would be a good idea for me to help out their department while they find a replacement for the person who is leaving. As if the job that I have isn't quite enough, they are adding more to my plate before I've even had the chance to get comfortable.

This wouldn't be so bad if the position that I am in was more clearly defined. Then I would have some way of putting an emphasis on certain boundaries, etc. However, as it stands, I'm not entirely sure what it is that I'm supposed to be doing and neither does anyone else, so they keep putting more and more things on my plate. What I don't believe I have mentioned is the fact that I am an office of ONE . . . that one being ME! I have no dedicated administrative support to do all of the massive things that need to be done, yet, they keep coming up with all of these new projects to be included in this year's recruitment activities and it is just a little more than ridiculous! Clearly, I am going to need to set some ground rules with my boss, but he's totally useless because he really has no clue as to what goes into doing what needs to be done for the big recruitment event this coming spring.

The other issue is making sure that what I say is "politically correct." I haven't been here for even a month, so I can't go in and talk to my boss with a cloud of negativity looming, otherwise I'm not being a team player. As much as I thought I was unhappy at my other job, I don't know that I have gotten myself into a better situation, because as of right now, I am feeling like I made a HUGE MISTAKE leaving my old job (number 4 of the now 5 jobs that I have had in 2 years)! And, the bad thing about it is, I can't leave this one!!!!!

Ok, so what do they really want?

2005-11-22T16:52:00.000-05:00

I've been in meeting after meeting with some of the senior staff at my new job. They've been telling me about all of these great recruitment ideas and projects and programs that they would like to develop, implement, etc. But, what they haven't told me is how and when they expect to get it all done. While I am a woman who can to rise to any occasion and make things happen, I am also realistic. There are a lot of things that I can do, particularly with help, but then there is "what more do they want from me?"

I only say this because my office is an office of one, that one being me! I have no dedicated administrative support, yet, I will be/am responsible for numerous mass mailings, planning and in some cases attending several regional recruitment receptions and I am supposed to put on this all out bash in the spring to showcase the company. Not to mention actually talking to and having extensive interactions with possible new employees. So, my question to all of these folks with whom I am meeting is what do you really want? Yes, this is what you would like to see happen, and it may be something that is feasible at this point and time. But, without additional resources to support me, what is it that you really want?

Perhaps as event planning gets underway, I will be in a better position to gauge what is realistic and what is just not going to happen this year or ever without help. But, I don't want to seem hesitant to do things, just because I am new and I don't want to be seen as incapable, non-proactive or not a go-getter. Yeah, I am very capable, extremely pro-active and I'm not entirely sure that you can call someone who has had 5 jobs in 2 years not a go-getter, but damn are they for real? Or am I just not giving myself enough credit?

Too early in the morning for that!

2005-11-21T09:34:00.000-05:00

Now that I am working in DC, I have decided to start taking the Metro into work. It's actually a very fascinating experience. Granted, there's nothing like the comfort and convenience of your own car, but there is definitely a "culture" developed among those who frequently ride the Metro and everyday is unlike the day before. For example, there was the woman last week who clearly is being taken advantage of by her "friend" and she was very obviously bothered by the circumstances surrounding the relationship. However, she proceeded to tell the woman that she was sitting next to (and the rest of the folks around her on the train) about how she was just enjoying what she could get out of the relationship, but when she finds someone that really loves her and only her, she's going to end things with her current boyfriend. Now, call me crazy, but I find something extremely flawed in her logic. Any person that thinks anything of themselves is not going to involve themselves with someone who is already involved in another relationship, no matter how disfunctional it may be. I wanted to tell that woman that she's going to be waiting for a long time for that knight in shining armor to come rescue her. But she wasn't talking to me and it really wasn't any of my business, though as loud as she was talking, it was the whole Metro rail car's business.

This morning I get on the train. It's cold and overcast outside . . . not the best way to get over that it's Monday morning. But, we're up and about aren't we? I got my usual seat by the window and begin reading my WP Express. (I made sure that I got an Express this morning and didn't get hookwinked into accidentally getting The Examiner!) We get to the Eastern Market metro stop and folks get on. I guess I am now starting to pay more attention to the demographic of the rideres at the different station stops more and this morning I noticed that a number of white people get on at the Eastern Market metro (gentrification at it's best--I'm just kidding). Anyway, these two late 30s-early 40s white women get on and do the "Hey how are you, blah, blah, blah" fake greeting that I notice a lot of white women give to one another. It's the "we're great friends, however, I am taking this opportunity to give you the once over under the guise of an overly friendly greeting." There's some comparative analysis for you. But, I digress.

The one woman has her small child with her; I'd say he was about 3 or 4. From the time they got on the train, you could tell who was in charge. He was swinging around on the pole and telling his mom to "watch out" so that he could continue to swing, even though she told him that he "really shouldn't." Then she told him that if he didn't stop, they were going to get off at the next stop so that he could take a deep breath. Now correct me if I'm wrong, and I know that I don't know what it's like to do things with kids, but how is this little rotten boy going to make her have to get off the train so that he can take a deep breath? Anyway, he continues spinning around on the pole and then decides that he's ready to move on. He immediately bolts from the pole yelling, "Mommy, let's go over here!" At that moment he goes tearing down to the other end of the rail car. Clearly, this mother had absolutely no control over this child and it was really a pitiful site to witness.

Parents are so busy trying to appease their children, the children have no discipline. Now, as I said, I don't have any children, so I cannot begin to philosophize on what should and shouldn't be done in order to have control over your children. However, your child should not be creating a morning time nightmare for all of the other people who are on the metro. Perhaps you can handle it, but there are some of us who can't and would rather not have to listen to or deal with your bratty kid. Hell, it's bad enough it was a cloudy and cold Monday morning!

A Little More About Me

2005-11-18T10:59:00.000-05:00

I am a young, professional Black woman who happens to be married to a White man. Needless to say, I am very conscious about racial issues. I think that I have always been, but it has been heightened since my involvement and now marriage to a white man.

I've always considered myself to be very open-minded, appreciative of all people (for the most part) and I have always had a good mix of friends of all races and cultures. It wasn't however, until I started dating Honey that I realized that I had many prejudices that I condemned others for having. I always knew that racism existed . . . I have definitely been on the receiving end of someone dropping the "N-bomb" as Honey and I call it. I know what it's like to be followed while shopping or to have white people utterly and stupidly fascinated by the fact that I am an educated, articulate and pretty outspoken Black woman on any number of issues and that I speak from knowledge and not necessarily emotion. I know what it's like to have bad customer service experiences and know that the person providing the "service" wouldn't dare think of providing that same "quality" of service to a white person. However, the dynamic totally changes when you throw an interracial relationship into the mix. Now when I get poor service at a restaurant, it's harder to determine if the customer service is just all around bad or if it's because of Honey and I being together. People still stare at us when we are out and about. More than that, people refuse to acknowledge that we are together.

Honey and I can be standing in line waiting to pay for something. If another line opens up, I would say 4 out of 5 times, they will look at one of us, even though we are standing together conducting our transaction, and say that they can help the next person in line. It's not like Honey and I are like many interracial couples that you see acting like they aren't really together. There is no doubt, when we are out or otherwise, that we are a couple. So, it just constantly amazes me how people are so programmed to see things in one way and they can't deviate from that programming. It's actually rather sad if you ask me. Anyway, many of the things that I have a lot to say about involve social issues and "ways" that I notice about people. I think that this additional information about me will bring a new flavor to the things that I comment on in this blog. So, with that being said, I am going to get back to work, but will write more later. Until then . . .

The New Job Thus Far . . .

2005-11-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I need to be stimulated in the things that I do, particularly work. But, when I actually have things to do, I am uninterested and often bored. I know that this is only my 8th day at my new job, but I guess I'm sort of lost for lack of a better word.

On my first day, my supervisor was not in so the person who had the job before me took me under and did what she could to get me acclimated. But, there were administrative things that I would think would have been done or at least would have been well on there way to being done in preparation for my arrival. Let me be clear, I didn't need a grand entrance or anything. But, it would have been a bit more comforting if things had been a bit more organized when I began.

So while Mary has been showing me the ropes, introducing me to people and setting up meetings for me to understand what folks do and become familiar with the people with whom I will be working, she has her own stuff to do in her new office. I want to talk with her and go over things with her, but I also don't want to be pain in her you know what. This week has definitely been an orientation of sorts.

The question that I find myself going over and over in my head is "Is there something wrong with me that I keep going into jobs that seem so wonderful only to be disappointed?" Now, as I said, I am reserving final judgment for when I have been here for about a month. But, I can't help but be a little disappointed in the lack of attentiveness that I have been getting from my immediate supervisor in regard to ensuring that my office, computer and other administrative things had been handled prior to my arrival. I don't think that I, as the new person, should have to call information technology to have my computer set up or spend my time getting my phone access and privleges set up. Why should I have to be responsible for creating my own business cards, stationary,etc.? Shit, he didn't even bother to order my name plate for my door . . . I had to run around doing that and other things that I think were a total waste of time that could be spent getting acclimated to the new job.

Fortunately for me, I have been around this place before and know or at least am familiar with a lot of the folks that make things happen. Plus, I am the kind of person who will make things happen despite the silliness that I often find myself dealing with. And maybe because I am familiar with this place, he and the other folks that I would think would be responsible for these kinds of things, might have just figured that I would be fine. But, suppose I didn't know anything about this company? Would that be the first impression that they would want to leave a new employee with?

Now, maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with it, but I wonder if I had been a white man if they would have just thrown me in the water to see if I could swim? All just things to think about and keep in the back of one's mind from time to time.

My New Job!!!

2005-11-15T16:28:00.000-05:00

I finally started my new job as Director of Recruitment. It's been an overwhelming 7 days, but I think that I'm going to like this job. I can definitely see where it could be a bit frustrating at times. But, it's nothing that I cannot handle and I have definitely handled some miserable circumstances.

Today I had my first I hope I did the right thing moment. The Director of another division of the company called to ask me to help her out with this reception that she's hosting tonight and that the president will be there, blah, blah, blah. Well, I have two things to say about that. First, if it's reception where the president of the company is going to be there, you knew about this long before and could have told me you wanted me to be there. Second, barring some dire emergency, you cannot call people at the last minute and expect that they will be available. You just can't. Having said all of that, let me give you the background interaction that I have had with this particular individual.

She's one of those women who thinks that she is more important and most importantly more fabulous than she really is. When I came here for the second round of interviews, she was part of the team of folks who was in on it. Now, I think that I have mentioned this before, but this is my 5th job in 2 years. Needless to say, I was anticipating that my "job-hopping" would come up during the course of discussion. What I didn't anticipate was the way it would be brought up.

This woman, Leslie, says, "So, you've had quite a few jobs over the last several years. Why should we think that you would take this job and stay here if another opportunity were to come along (or something along that line)?" It wasn't so much that she asked it, but it was the way in which she did it. It was totally that condescending I don't really know why you're wasting my time kind of thing. Needless to say, that didn't leave me with a very good impression. Further, I specifically asked if there was much interaction between her office and what is now my office. She said that there really hadn't been much. So, quite frankly, I wasn't sure why her stank ass was in on my interview. But, it is very possible that I will be doing more with her office (which is an office of one because everyone that previously worked there has left) since this is a full-time dedicated position now. So, it should be rather interesting. At this point, however, I don't particularly care for her at all!!! I should also mention, as further background, I actually interviewed for her position a few years ago. I was the first choice for the folks who had been doing the actual selection of candidates. However, Leslie was an internal person that was favored by the previous president and he decided to go with her instead. I just found out that little tid-bit of info, so it really doesn't have a significant baring on the way that I feel about her.

Other than her, I think that this could be a good fit. I am reserving final comment on how I feel about it for 30 days. On December 7th, I will render my final verdict. Either way, whether I like it or not, I have to stay . . . at least through on recruitment season. So, I hope my final analysis is a good one. Back to work I go. Until next time . . .

Our Icons are Falling

2005-10-26T11:07:00.000-05:00

First it was Johnnie Cochran, then it was John Johnson. Now it's Rosa Parks. Many notable people in our society and in the Black community are leaving this world and there is no one to take their place. Not that people should need a spokesperson or leader for their community. But, sometimes folks, regardless of who they are, need inspiration. Unfortunately, the only inspiration that anyone in today's society seems to have are those folks that have money. They can have absolutely no integrity or character. But, if they have a few million dollars to blow on cars, clothes, houses and whatever else today's celebrities spend money on, everyone wants to be like them. Now don't get me wrong, I would love to live the "fabulous life" and be able to spend like the best of them. However, I don't understand the getting married and divorced at the drop of a hat and then publicly hooking up with whomever, where ever and the like. I think that all of that behaviour is especially in poor taste when you know that young people in particular emulate what they see the celebs doing. Not that the likes of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez aren't human and that they can't make mistakes. But to publicly make a mockery of commitment and to seemingly discount the feelings of the people that they've left behind in a very public and in some cases cruel way is abhorent, regardless of who you are!!! I digress.

We need truly upstanding and solid people to be our leaders. We need people who have genuine moral values, and I don't mean the likes of George Bush and Dick Cheney who claim to be Christian, but don't seem to have a compassionate or remotely caring bone in their body for anything or anyone who isn't "one of them" or who doesn't have money to contribute to "their cause." The things that they have done are absolutely repugnant and to claim to be spiritual on top of all that and to use it to get people to follow them is an outrage! What's worse is that there are really people out there that see nothing wrong with our leadership and think that what they are doing is truly reflective of values and morals!!! We are a screwed up society, from our politics to our personal lives and it seems like things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better.

It's all about the shoes!

2005-10-19T09:43:00.000-05:00

Eve, as you know, is a total copy cat. Whatever Rose (who I am going to really miss) and I get something, she wants to know where we bought it, how much, who makes it, etc. Then, she'll go out and buy it too.

A while back, I mentioned a coat and a pair of boots that I saw in the Bloomingdale's cataloge that I really wanted for my birthday, which is on Nov. 11th. I didn't mean to say where I saw them, but somehow (probably because I just talk too damned much) Bloomingdale's came up. I said that they were this beautiful pair of cowboy boots (I love and have loved cowboy boots).

A few weeks ago, Eve went to New York and while she was there, she did some shopping. Apparently, she scoped out the same coat that Rose had bought when she was in NYC as well, but decided that Rose might be mad at her if she bought the same coat in a different color (for once she was on the money). She told me all about the coat that she did eventually buy, but neglected to tell me that she also bought a pair of cowboy boots; that she mentioned to Rose. Anyway, I got so pissed because I just knew that the reason she hadn't mentioned the boots to me was because she bought the boots that I wanted (I put an emphasis on wanted because I don't have them at this point in time). So I am ranting to Rose and calling Chip and Honey and telling them about Eve and how much I can't stand that she does stuff like that and that the reason she didn't tell me about the boots is because she knew I would be pissed and on and on and on. All that, and come to find out, they weren't the boots that I want.

Well, last week, I decide that I want this pair of boots that I saw on the Nordstrom website. I wanted to see them in person and try them on before buying them. So, I decided to go to the store and get them. They, unfortunately, didn't have the boots that I went there for, but had some other cute ones that I decided to try on. The one pair that I liked, matches this really funky belt that I bought at a little boutique around the way. I decided that those were the ones that I was going to buy that night.

The next day, I wore my funky belt and my boots to work. Eve takes one look at my shoes and says that she "needs those boots." She goes on and on about them and I just veered the conversation onto something else. A little while later, as I am talking to Rose in her office, Eve comes in and starts in about my boots again and is literally standing over me to inspect them. She then tells me how they look just like and have the same stitching as the boots that she bought. Eve proceeds to ask me who makes them, at which point I told her that I wasn't going to tell her. She keeps on it for a little while longer and finally realizes that I am not giving up the scoop and let's it go.

As I am continuing my conversation with Rose, it finally dawns on me, I bought the same boots that Eve did, only in a different color!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?! After all the smack that I talked about her buying the same stuff that I have, I turned around and bought the same damned boots that she bought!!!! Unbelieveable!

I know, I know . . . It's been a while . . .

2005-10-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

. . .But, things have been pretty crazy in my neck of the woods. I mentioned before that I was waiting to hear about another job that I had applied and interviewed twice for. Well, I am happy to say that I was offered and accepted my new position as a recruiter for a fairly large private organization in Washington, DC. I know that I have only been at my current job for 8 months, but it had to be done. The things that I was told that I would be able to do here just haven't happened and don't look likely to really happen any time soon. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and find something that I would like better; and I think that I did.

My last day is Nov. 4 and I start the following Monday at the new gig. Everyone thinks that I should take some time off, but I would just rather jump right in and get started. Plus, Thanksgiving will be a few weeks off from then so I'll have a few days off for that. Anyway, I am really looking forward to being back in the mix of things . . . at least during the day. I still have to go back to suburbia at night. Oh well, you can't have it all I suppose (but damn it, I sure am trying to!).

One of the great things about this new job is that I will be working just across the hall from Chip! All of the other people that I have met, thus far, seem really nice (though I think that they will provide a lot of food for a blog), but I have to say that it will be nice seeing my best friend on a daily basis again. It will be almost like we are back in law school, only we won't have that ridiculous amount of stress to deal with now!

It was more difficult that I thought to make the decision to leave my current job. While my boss drives me absolutely insane, there is definitely a certain amount of comfort that I have here. I am pretty much able to come and go as I please (of course I don't abuse it) and things are very laid back. If I was a little older, maybe with a kid or two, this would probably be perfect. But, what I didn't want to have happen was that I get complacent here and then go somewhere else and actually have to do work, only to look at the people like they are crazy to actually ask me to do something. I wanted to keep my interest in being challenged and being busy at its highest. A new change of environment was certainly in order.

In the meantime, Honey was planning on giving his two week notice on the same day that I was giving mine. The difference was, Honey called me at about 7:30 Monday morning to tell me that he was actually quitting that day. It seems that while he had a few days off, his asshole supervisor decided to schedule Honey with late shifts on the two nights in the week that Honey has classes. To add insult to injury, the Asshole also forbid anyone from taking Honey's shifts and required that everyone do there own, NO EXCEPTIONS! Well, with that scheduling move, Honey would have missed two weeks of classes. That wasn't going to happen so he quit right then and there. Actually, he went to the contract headquarters and told his actual boss that he was quitting; I wish he would have told the Asshole that he could kiss his ass now 'cause he's out. But, Honey did the right thing and avoided a conflict. So, I have a stay-at-home husband now . . . well, at least I have for the last 3 days.

Today he has an interview with another contractor. This one seems rather normal if that is at all possible in that line of work. It's for part-time work, which is what he was planning on doing once he started school full-time next semester. It's happening a little earlier than expected, but we'll manage. Hopefully, all will go well today and he will be up and working (part-time) in no time. So, now you see why I haven't written in a minute. Be back soon.

What a fabulous outfit!

2005-10-11T15:27:00.000-05:00

Rose looks incredible today! She has on this off-white twill denim style jacket with ruffles along the front, the neckline and the sleeves, with this pine green cordouroy skirt with fringe on the seems and tall, brown riding boots. She looks really, really fabulous . . . total magazine material.

As much as I would like to call myself a total fashion "do" and perhaps even a trendsetter, Rose can easily take the cake for this one. She really does have an "on point" sense of style and a boyfriend's bank account to satisfy that desire to be fabulous. We actually talked a little about that this morning.

I was telling her that I have been feeling a little down lately and that desire to go shopping (my usual antidote for the "blues") is getting stronger and stronger. I'm trying to fight it, but I just keep wanting to go shopping more and more. The history is, I have a shopping problem. I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction because I can control it (at least most of the time). However, because of my issues from back in the day--when I used to shop to make up for the things that were missing in my life--I have more than one's requisite amount of credit card debt. So, because I have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to the credit card companies (yes there's more than one) each month and I have limited myself to spending only the money that I have in my checking account (unless it is a legitimate emergency . . . and the newest Kate Spade does not count--unfortunately) my shopping expeditions have been cut down tremendously! Now, not only am I down about feeling like I should be doing more and doing something else with my life, I get even more down because I don't even have the money to do the one thing that really gives me that pick-me-up that I need every once in a while!!!

All of that being said, while I wish that I had access to an abundance of funds as it would seem Rose does, I wouldn't trade what I have with Honey. He may not or I should say that we may not be able to spend money on lavish hotels and exotic dinners out on a regular basis, but I never question Honey's commitment to me, whether or not I am his top priority and there is no doubt that I am his one and only! Rose may have a killer wardrobe, but she doesn't have the man that she wants and I think she deserves. Although, did I mention that she has a killer wardrobe?

On the flip side, my boss is out of her damned mind. This past weekend, Eve had to attend a function for work. It was a cocktail kind of event and her husband got sick and couldn't come with her. She was going to wear this one cocktail dress, but her neuroses wouldn't allow her to wear it without her husband, because people might be looking at her inappropriately. Anywho, she goes out and buys this $1800 St. John dress or suit, I can't remember which, for this stupid event!!! Can you believe that?!?!?!?!

Now, the funny thing about this is, one day, she and I were talking about designers and who makes what and what things cost, etc. I mentioned that I really liked this St. John jacket that I saw at Nordstrom, but that I wasn't interested in spending $450 for something that I wasn't sure I would like in a year. Eve responded that she didn't know how people could spend that kind of money on St. John clothes. I felt it only natural to mention that my Mom wears a lot of St. John and the money spent is well spent, especially for the more classic pieces because they are timeless. Then she tried to clean it up and say that she couldn't do it . . . she just couldn't in good consciousness spend that kind of money on clothes.

Well, there are two things that I have to say about that. One, she does spend that kind of money on clothes, just not all at one time or on just one thing. Second, I am going to assume that she bought that St. John thing while having an out of body experience because she said that she just couldn't see plausible, she has MPD (multiple personality disorder) and was not her reasonable self when she bought that outfit! Who knows? But one thing is for sure, her refinance money is getting pissed away!!!!

All about me . . .

2005-10-10T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm in my late twenties and have a relatively new job (although I am currently waiting to hear about another one) and a brand new husband. Mine has been a rather interesting ride, though not particularly wild so to speak.

I am the older of two children in my family. My sister is 3 years younger than I am and is a total free spirit. I, on the other hand, have always traveled the straight and narrow. I always did what I was supposed to, went above and beyond and was essentially the model child. Yes, I definitely acted out on occasion, but I am nothing like my little sister.

I've always been very strong academically, socially and in all things that I have done (at least until law school). When I was getting my bar exam application ready, I had to get character letters from people who had known me for 10 years or something like that. One of my letters was from a family friend who described me as having "the midas touch" in which everything that I did, I did extremely well. Interesting that someone would say that about me during one of the darkest times in my life.

During the first week of law school, I came to the realization that it was not the place for me. But, despite my best efforts, I ended up finishing 3 years later. In the meantime, but for a few shining moments, law school was a total nightmare and 3 years that I wish that I could literally erase from my mind and life, though I will say that I grew and learned a lot personally about myself that I don't know would have happened in any other situation. So, it wasn't an entire waste.

I went through boughts of depression (though never suicidal) and really questioned my self-worth and my abilities. I thought that I was a total fraud. All of these people thought so highly of me, but I wasn't producing the sterling grades and building the foundation for this super, high-powered legal career that everyone (myself included) was expecting. I felt like a total failure and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. In the meantime, I met my very best friend, Chip, and the person that I consider to be my soulmate. I don't think that I would have made it out of law school without him . . . hell, I probably wouldn't have made it through a lot of things without him.

Since graduating law school, it's been quite a roller coaster ride. As I said in my profile, I am "searching" and one of the things that I am searching for is meaningful work in my life. What I am doing now is meaningful--I'm a consultant for a small state organization focused on education. But, between the politics involved in the organization and my crazy ass boss, I don't know that I will ever be able to fully do what it is that I would like to do to make a meaningful contribution to people's lives. Plus, I like it, but I don't see myself there indefinitely, at least not the way things currently are.

There's so much more to share about me, but I think that it's rather much for one posting. It's a little background into who I am I suppose.

Chip and Honey

2005-10-07T12:24:00.000-05:00

If ever there was an ideal friendship, my friendship with Chip is just that. No matter what the circumstances, what the situation, hell, high water, good, bad and ugly, he has always been there for me and I for him. I think that each of us is meant to experience life changing things during the course of our lives and my relationship with Chip is one of the experiences that I was meant to have.

It's been an interesting dynamic having a man as your best friend and then meeting Honey. Chip has always (aside from my dad) been the man in my life. We've gone to things with each other, over the years, as each others' "date." Chip is in a relationship, but is not comfortable going to certain events with his significant other, though that has definitely changed over the years. Chip and I would do what any best friends do, go shopping together, watch movies, go on trips, stay up all night talking, you name it we've probably done it. Then came Honey.

Honey had decided from very early on, he was going to be my husband. He knew that Chip and I were close, but I don't think he realized the depth of our relationship. In the beginning, Chip and Honey used to "piss on their hydrant" and try to establish their boundaries as far as I went. Chip would say, " . . . as long as he understands his place and mine" or something like that. Honey would just be all out selfish and not want to share. It seemed as though things were balancing out. Honey and I got engaged, but a few months after that, Chip's mother got really sick and passed away.

I didn't want to leave Chip's side . . . I helped with the funeral preparations (as best as I could--I hadn't, prior to Chip's mother's passing, experienced the death of someone close to me) and getting things situated leading up to the funeral. In general, I just wanted to be with him at all times and do whatever needed to be done to keep him comfortable. Honey got really jealous and that was probably the only time that I actually questioned whether or not he was "the one" for me. That for him was the revelation of the depth of my friendship with Chip and I think that he realized that Chip was there before him and if he didn't get his shit together, he was going to be around instead of him. Things have definitely settled down now, but the kinks definitely had to be worked out.

Honey still gets a little bunch in his boxers when I say that Chip is my best friend (Honey thinks that he should be my best friend and he is as well as Chip). Chip doesn't like to call people "best friends" for some reason that he's articulated to me before. But, I don't think that that reasoning applies to me . . . I know my place in his life and he knows his place in mine. Our friendship is unconditional and I can't think of anything that could happen that could change that.

The same is true with Honey. Yes, he's a husband and that inherently makes him likely to do incredibly stupid things that will piss me off. But, he is the one person who can do all of those things and still make me laugh my ass off . . . even if I don't want to. He's my "Honey" and I love him unconditionally too!

Time to go to work!

2005-10-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

My husband has the day off today. It figures that it's Friday, it's raining and he didn't have to be out of bed at the crack of dawn (as he usually is), which then made my efforts of getting out of bed about an hour too late to actually make it to work semi-on time. But, it was definitely nice snuggling with him this morning, though he was interested in doing much more.

I met and fell in love with my husband about 3 years ago. He came into my life totally unexpectedly and swept me off of my feet. We've had what I guess you could call a whirlwind romance--we had been dating for 3 or 4 months when he told me that he wanted to marry me, got engaged 7 months after that and got married a year after being engaged. But, during that relatively short time period, we have been through more together than some married couples face during their entire marriage. Instead of running from each other, we supported one another through some really tough times (more about that in another posting) and even though all exit doors were open and both of us could have run from each other like our hair was on fire, we didn't and got married in a very intimate affair 4 months ago.

Our wedding day was the most wonderful day of my life!! If I could do it over again, I totally would. Not because there are things that I wish we could have done differently, but because the feelings and emotions that we experienced that day were so true and sweet and genuine . . . that's a once in a lifetime experience and I would like to relive it over and over and over again. I am sure that it will get old after a while, but I just can't get enough of our wedding pictures, looking at our ceremony program, thinking about how I felt when I first went up on the altar with him, him holding my hand and rubbing my arm thoughout the ceremony, the way my parents looked . . . oh, everything was just so wonderful!!!!

We didn't do much for our "honeymoon." We told people that we went to the beach, just so that no one would call us or so that we (mostly me) wouldn't feel compelled to talk to and do things with other people while we had taken the week after our wedding off. And, we wanted time away from work and to just be with each other with nothing wedding related to do. It was just quality me and him time and it was perfect.

It was the first time, since we had bought (one of the reasons that we didn't go on a true honeymoon) and moved into our house last December, that we were able to spend a substantial amount of time in it. We both commute pretty long distances to work each day and we are usually out and about every weekend. So, to be at home for a whole week, with nothing to do or no schedule to keep, was really a lot of fun actually. We'd hang out at a nearby pool during the day, go to different restaurants and stuff. At night we would watch movies, read and talk with one another. It truly was relaxing and we both hated to go back to work that Monday.

We didn't go away for our honeymoon for a number of reasons, but the main ones were that we had primarily paid for the wedding ourselves, after my husband hadn't been working for 3 months after we bought our house. Needless to say, the money wasn't flowing and we weren't going into the "poor house" just to say we went to some exotic locale for our honeymoon. As long as we were together, that's all that mattered!

So, that's the short story of "Honey" and me. More about just me in a posting to follow.

I love her, but how stupid can she be?

2005-10-06T12:22:00.000-05:00

My friend Rose has been dating this guy Mitchell for just over 3 years. They both used to work together at an architectural engineering firm. When they met, both were married to other people but were good friends with one another and were faithful to their spouses. Rose and Mitchell have since divorced their former spouses--at least I know for sure about Rose. Mitchell is the one that I have doubts about and here's why.

Rose never calls him; he always calls her. In the entire time that they have been together, Rose has never been to Mitchell's house. He's a major player at the firm and supposedly travels all the time, particularly now since he's managing this huge project that the firm was awarded. The only time that he goes over to her house is at night, usually after 9 and he never spends the night with her, unless they meet at a hotel somewhere, usually in another city not far from where we all are. She seems to see nothing wrong with this because she sees it as their chance to get away. Now call me crazy, but doesn't something seem not quite right about their situation?

We talk a lot about our relationships and she tells me about her plans with him and what she hopes to be doing. She seems to think that they are going to get married soon (though they still are not yet engaged) and buy a house together, etc. The problem that I have is that every time they are about to do something, like go shopping for an engagement ring or put an offer in on a house, something major comes up that thwarts that effort, particularly the effort that must be exhibited from him.

For example, last week Rose found this house that she totally fell in love with. It had all the bells and whistles that she wanted and that would presumably be agreeable to him. He was "out of town" and had to go and see it without her when he got back. An offer had previously been presented to the seller, but was rejected for being too low so the seller was still accepting offers and waiting for the original offeror to resubmit another offer.

In the meantime, Mitchell and Rose met up at a swanky hotel for a relaxing evening together. Apparently, when she brought up the house, he found everything wrong with it that he possibly could. This, needless to say, resulted in a huge blow up and they didn't have a very good night. The next day, he told her that he thought a lot about what she had said the night before and he had reconsidered. Mitchell told Rose that he was going to put an offer in on the house that afternoon and that it would be competitive.

Well, he made an offer all right. He totally low-balled it . . . essentially offering almost $100,000 less than the asking price because he said that he didn't want to buy the most expensive house in a new development. Without a doubt, their offer was rejected and the seller accepted another offer. Just an example of how Mitchell sabotages any type of progression toward what Rose seems to be wanting and dreaming of.

Now as she tells me all of these things, I can't help but wonder if she's really that dumb and desperate or is she really just oblivious to the fact that he "just isn't that into her?" I know that as her friend, I should be more forthcoming in my thoughts regarding this situation. But, women tend to be very protective of their men and relationships. Instead of taking my suggestions or listening to my words of warning, she'd likely get angry and resent my comments. Then what? I lose a friend because of some loser?

I keep hoping that at some point she will come to her senses and realize that she's being led by a string by this man. He doesn't, at least at no time in the immediate future, intend to make a commitment to her and basically allows her to spend his money to keep her appeased while he continues to pull his stunts and shinanigans. But, I think as long as the money keeps flowing, she'll hang in there. Now that's sad! But, damn if she doesn't have a killer wardrobe, shoes, jewelry and handbags! I'll talk about that in another posting.

My crazy, neurotic and obsessive boss

2005-10-05T16:22:00.000-05:00

There are a total of five people in my office--4 women and one man. Mary is the Adminstrative Assistant, Jon and Rose are my colleagues (though Rose's title makes her technically my and Jon's supervisor) and Eve (as in "The Three Faces of . . .") is our boss.

When I started here in February, everyone got along wonderfully. Soon after I started, I attended a professional conference with Rose and Eve. While I had always thought that Eve was a charming woman, my opinion of her had begun to change before we traveled together, but went completely downhill during the trip. Rose and I, on the other hand, began to bond during that trip and have developed quite a friendship with one another.

Eve, as I have come to find out, has some really serious issues. She is in her late forties and contrary to what she would have you believe is still very insecure about who she is and how she is perceived (which is completely insincere by many). One of her many problems is her inability to understand boundaries.

Rose and I are very into fashion and like to wear things that are unique and express our individual sense of style. Eve, on the other hand, has no sense of her own style and literally buys whatever outfit the visual person has put on a mannequin in the store. The problem is, Eve has taken to not only inquisitioning us as to every little thing that we buy (where did you get it, how much was it, who's the designer, etc.), she will go out and in many instances buy exactly the same thing.

It's a very small office and we work within a closely knit environment. If you have the same thing that someone else has, everyone knows it. Eve needs to grow the fuck up and stop trying to be like Rose and I. She is a grown woman and needs to act like one. We're not in high school anymore!!!

What makes it even worse is that she spends well beyond her means. She is in credit card debt up to her eyeballs (I know this because she tells us this, after she's been shopping) and has absolutely no savings. She has a daughter that will soon be ready for college, she and her husband have no college fund established for her. She's borrowed money from her mother and refinanced her home twice to pay down her debt. Once she pays off the credit cards, she charges them right back up again or spends whatever little bit of money that they do have on clothes and stuff. It's really sad if you ask me.

There's so much more that I could say, but it drives me crazy sometimes just thinking about it. Days at work can be extremely draining and it's not because I've worked so hard at work; it's because I have to "manage" my boss all day. Be back soon.

. . . and so it begins . . .

2005-10-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

I tend to have a lot to say about things, but know that sometimes, you just have to keep things to yourself . . . and then share them with others who can appreciate your point of view. That's why I have started this blog! Comments are greatly appreciated, so feel free to share what you have to say too. Stay tuned for more . . .