Wednesday, August 02, 2006

What a Summer!!!!!

I wish that I could say that it's been a great summer, but quite frankly, I just can't! Just when I thought things were going to start moving right along, we hit a major bump in the road.

In April, my grandmother (on my mother's side) died after a long series of illnesses. Two months later, Honey's mother died suddenly due to complications from by-pass surgery. Two days after she died, my great uncle (brother to my grandmother who died) passed away. So, Honey and I came back from his mother's funeral to attend my uncle's. Did I mention that in all of that madness was our 1-year wedding anniversary?

Needless to say, that didn't get the celebratory recognition that I had envisioned and planned. At the same time, it's completely understandable. Hell, my MIL died 6 days before our first anniversary. Honey wasn't and hasn't been in much of a celebratory mood.

Although these events were completely outside of our control, it really has put a damper on the summer. It's definitely one that once it passes, I will be happy to say good-bye. Not to mention that it feels like we are hovering somewhere around the 9th ring of hell with temperatures closing in on 100+!!! But, in all seriousness, it has all made me very sad and it has definitely taken a toll on a very new marriage.

Of course, all you hear about the first year of marriage is how blissfully happy you are to finally be husband and wife. Yes, there are the adjustments of learning to compromise and learning to live with someone else (which Honey and I had been doing for a year and a half before we got married). But, what no one does tell you is that all bets are off and the good behavior that once was goes completely out the window!

I'm not saying that my husband is an idiot neanderthal, but the sweet and attentive, totally not your "typcial man" that he was while we were dating and engaged has run off and left me with someone that looks like him, but isn't really! Now, I understand that this has been a difficult time for our household. However, there have been many occasions (and I mean more than one hand count) on which I have wondered what I did? I have found myself wondering if I made a completely huge and disastrous mistake in having married Honey. Great guy, but I'm not sure he's the right husband for me. Things were brewing before the death of his mother, but they've only been exaserbated since then. The hardest thing about all of this is, now is the really the time to address these issues in light of the circumstances. But, what I fear is that when the time is "right" or at least better than what it is now, a lot of major damage will have been done and it may be too late to make things better.

I know that I'm no cakewalk to deal with either. But, at least I try to be attentive and conscious of Honey's needs all the way around. Honey, on the other hand, has completely checked out. It's not that he intentionally does things to hurt and disappoint me. It's the fact that I don't even seem to be a consideration when he makes decisions that's troublesome to me. I know that many people (primarly married women) would say that he's just being a guy. But, I know that he knows better because he demonstrated it with me before. So that answer is just plain unacceptable!!!!

What am I going to do about all of this? Nothing at the moment. But, let me just be clear, that doing nothing isn't going to last forever. Some major changes need to happen before too long or else . . .


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