A New Day Has Come . . .

It's a New Year and hopefully full of many new and fun beginnings. It's been some time, but as usual, I hope to be more frequent with my posts. A lot of things have happened over the last few months. I'm not going to bore anyone with details. However, on of the big events that happened was me turning 30 and as Jay-Z says, "thirty is the new twenty!" I am hoping that this year a lot of good things will come my way. I hope to be at peace with where I am in my life individually and as part of a couple and I hope that Honey and I can have a more tranquil second year of marriage . . . 'cause the first year and a half hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. It's been like a walk/run and full of ups and downs.

Well, this is all for now. Until later . . . Adios.

What a Summer!!!!!

I wish that I could say that it's been a great summer, but quite frankly, I just can't! Just when I thought things were going to start moving right along, we hit a major bump in the road.

In April, my grandmother (on my mother's side) died after a long series of illnesses. Two months later, Honey's mother died suddenly due to complications from by-pass surgery. Two days after she died, my great uncle (brother to my grandmother who died) passed away. So, Honey and I came back from his mother's funeral to attend my uncle's. Did I mention that in all of that madness was our 1-year wedding anniversary?

Needless to say, that didn't get the celebratory recognition that I had envisioned and planned. At the same time, it's completely understandable. Hell, my MIL died 6 days before our first anniversary. Honey wasn't and hasn't been in much of a celebratory mood.

Although these events were completely outside of our control, it really has put a damper on the summer. It's definitely one that once it passes, I will be happy to say good-bye. Not to mention that it feels like we are hovering somewhere around the 9th ring of hell with temperatures closing in on 100+!!! But, in all seriousness, it has all made me very sad and it has definitely taken a toll on a very new marriage.

Of course, all you hear about the first year of marriage is how blissfully happy you are to finally be husband and wife. Yes, there are the adjustments of learning to compromise and learning to live with someone else (which Honey and I had been doing for a year and a half before we got married). But, what no one does tell you is that all bets are off and the good behavior that once was goes completely out the window!

I'm not saying that my husband is an idiot neanderthal, but the sweet and attentive, totally not your "typcial man" that he was while we were dating and engaged has run off and left me with someone that looks like him, but isn't really! Now, I understand that this has been a difficult time for our household. However, there have been many occasions (and I mean more than one hand count) on which I have wondered what I did? I have found myself wondering if I made a completely huge and disastrous mistake in having married Honey. Great guy, but I'm not sure he's the right husband for me. Things were brewing before the death of his mother, but they've only been exaserbated since then. The hardest thing about all of this is, now is the really the time to address these issues in light of the circumstances. But, what I fear is that when the time is "right" or at least better than what it is now, a lot of major damage will have been done and it may be too late to make things better.

I know that I'm no cakewalk to deal with either. But, at least I try to be attentive and conscious of Honey's needs all the way around. Honey, on the other hand, has completely checked out. It's not that he intentionally does things to hurt and disappoint me. It's the fact that I don't even seem to be a consideration when he makes decisions that's troublesome to me. I know that many people (primarly married women) would say that he's just being a guy. But, I know that he knows better because he demonstrated it with me before. So that answer is just plain unacceptable!!!!

What am I going to do about all of this? Nothing at the moment. But, let me just be clear, that doing nothing isn't going to last forever. Some major changes need to happen before too long or else . . .

What should I do?

Honey and I got married about a year ago. We decided to have a cookout to celebrate our one-year anniversary. I have started sending out invitations to our friends and family that we are including, but haven't sent them to everyone just yet. Here's my cunundrum.

Last year, a few months after the wedding, I had a falling out with one of my girlfriends. Things in our group had been somewhat tense leading up to the wedding. The funny thing is, I never actually talked with Daphnie, but rather, heard about her issues with me (all which differed according to whom I heard it from) from other people in the circle. I tried talking with her, but she didn't return my calls and then when she decided she was ready to talk with me (months after the fact) I didn't feel the need to talk to her. I will must add that she didn't give us a wedding gift. Then, there's another "friend" who has yet to give us a wedding gift after I had spent a considerable amount of money, never mind time looking for her wedding gift. Plus, she has made a few comments here and there that I didn't appreciate about my husband (before we were married--during the dating stage). Nothing really bad, but it was enough to get under my skin. Finally, my old roommate, also good friends with Daphnie, came to my wedding, but didn't give us a wedding gift.

Now, the one thing that Honey and I said was that we didn't expect people to give us wedding gifts. We both had places of our own before getting married and had pretty much everything that we need. However, I guess I just thought that people who we cared about and people to whom presumably we were special would care enough to at least give a token of affection for us and our special occasion. Perhaps I thought too much.

Here we are and I am wondering if I should invite these three people to our home for our anniversary celebration? I could take the high road with them and just invite them and possibly give them one last shot at redemption or I could not invite them, knowing that this could come back to me later.

I'm probably putting too much thought into this because these people are not going to make or break the gathering. But, it is the principle of the thing. Maybe I will just invite them, but not bother to go through the effort of sending them the cute invitations that I had made for the occasion.

It's been a while!

I know, I know . . . I haven't been keeping up with this thing. Sometimes, I have so much to say, but not enough time to say it. Oh well, let's try this again.

So, I am totally in love. Unfortunately, it's not with my husband of 10 months (though I must admit that I am in love with him too). I am in love with Nick Lachey (as is every woman right about now I suppose)!!!! I have to say, if Nick would marry me, I would totally leave Honey!!! :-)

I just read his article in Rolling Stone and if I wasn't in love with him before (which I totally was . . . he was truly the whole reason I watched Newlyweds), I have a total soft spot for him now. If only I could meet him.

Unfortunately, I have a totally ho-hum existence and there is nothing in it that would possibly link me to a meeting with Nick even remotely. I guess I am just left with "what if" once again.

Anywho, I am going to try to be better about keeping up. In the meantime, I'm glad to be back and I will stay in touch.

~Mrs. F

It's another Monday

Well, what can I say . . . it's Monday. The forecast is calling for snow, but I don't believe that it's going to be anything major (maybe I will surprised, but I doubt it). Honey keeps saying that I won't have to go to work tomorrow, but I keep telling him that I'd rather psychologically be ready for work only to not have to go as opposed to hoping that I won't have to go, but end up having to. No expectations! Speaking of expectations . . .

No one tells you this (well, maybe they did and I just didn't listen), but once you get married, your expectations of your spouse change. For example, when Honey and I were dating, it seemed like he did things for me around our then apartment, without me even asking. I will never forget the weekend that I was away with my sorority sisters. I was dog-tired when I got home, but to my delight, Honey had cleaned the entire apartment from top to bottom. I was completely floored. I never asked him to do it or mentioned anything about it needing to be clean. He just did it. Now, there is no question that our house needs to be cleaned on a regular basis, but it's like he has absolutely no clue. He'll acknowledge that things need to get done, but heaven forbid he actually initiate the cleaning effort . . . I'd pee myself if he did!!

A few weeks ago, I mentioned getting a housekeeper/cleaning lady, hoping that perhaps he would realize how ridiculous that would be considering he is home 3 days a week. But, he didn't get it and proceeded to suggest places where I could look to find someone. Can you believe that?!?!? Now, when I am at home for any length of time, I'm constantly doing things. If I was at home as much as he is, I honestly believe that our house would be spotless. But, unless I specifically tell him to do something, like vacuum the floors, I'm not entirely sure what he does with his days. And, while he is in school, he doesn't spend the entire day studying or doing schoolwork so that has been thought of and dismissed as an excuse. What's funny is he actually has the nerve to say that he's going to get a t-shirt made that says, "I'm the husband, not the butler." Only he thinks that shit is funny because as far as cleaning our house goes, he doesn't do near enough shit!!! Oh well, what are you going to do?

What have I gotten myself into?

It doesn't matter where I go, it's always the same thing . . . employers just don't know what to do with me! Or, maybe it's just that I keep picking the wrong jobs. I don't know, but one thing I do know is I am totally and completely frustrated!!!

While I understood that my recruitment position was something new and something that was without much foundation (for lack of a better word), I had no idea that it was going to be this crazy and chaotic. If it weren't for the fact that the person who had my job before me is working in a different department, I would have been totally screwed for the last three weeks. My boss has been pretty hands off as far as getting me acclimated goes and has been very generous in terms of giving me a whole lot of new things to do! Now, it seems that they want me to take on even more before I truly even know the enormity of the job that I am supposed to be doing!

Someone in another department, that is somewhat interrelated to mine, has decided to leave just as things in that department (and mine for that matter) are about the switch into high gear. So, my boss, along with the other department's head, decided that it would be a good idea for me to help out their department while they find a replacement for the person who is leaving. As if the job that I have isn't quite enough, they are adding more to my plate before I've even had the chance to get comfortable.

This wouldn't be so bad if the position that I am in was more clearly defined. Then I would have some way of putting an emphasis on certain boundaries, etc. However, as it stands, I'm not entirely sure what it is that I'm supposed to be doing and neither does anyone else, so they keep putting more and more things on my plate. What I don't believe I have mentioned is the fact that I am an office of ONE . . . that one being ME! I have no dedicated administrative support to do all of the massive things that need to be done, yet, they keep coming up with all of these new projects to be included in this year's recruitment activities and it is just a little more than ridiculous! Clearly, I am going to need to set some ground rules with my boss, but he's totally useless because he really has no clue as to what goes into doing what needs to be done for the big recruitment event this coming spring.

The other issue is making sure that what I say is "politically correct." I haven't been here for even a month, so I can't go in and talk to my boss with a cloud of negativity looming, otherwise I'm not being a team player. As much as I thought I was unhappy at my other job, I don't know that I have gotten myself into a better situation, because as of right now, I am feeling like I made a HUGE MISTAKE leaving my old job (number 4 of the now 5 jobs that I have had in 2 years)! And, the bad thing about it is, I can't leave this one!!!!!

Ok, so what do they really want?

I've been in meeting after meeting with some of the senior staff at my new job. They've been telling me about all of these great recruitment ideas and projects and programs that they would like to develop, implement, etc. But, what they haven't told me is how and when they expect to get it all done. While I am a woman who can to rise to any occasion and make things happen, I am also realistic. There are a lot of things that I can do, particularly with help, but then there is "what more do they want from me?"

I only say this because my office is an office of one, that one being me! I have no dedicated administrative support, yet, I will be/am responsible for numerous mass mailings, planning and in some cases attending several regional recruitment receptions and I am supposed to put on this all out bash in the spring to showcase the company. Not to mention actually talking to and having extensive interactions with possible new employees. So, my question to all of these folks with whom I am meeting is what do you really want? Yes, this is what you would like to see happen, and it may be something that is feasible at this point and time. But, without additional resources to support me, what is it that you really want?

Perhaps as event planning gets underway, I will be in a better position to gauge what is realistic and what is just not going to happen this year or ever without help. But, I don't want to seem hesitant to do things, just because I am new and I don't want to be seen as incapable, non-proactive or not a go-getter. Yeah, I am very capable, extremely pro-active and I'm not entirely sure that you can call someone who has had 5 jobs in 2 years not a go-getter, but damn are they for real? Or am I just not giving myself enough credit?