Our Icons are Falling

First it was Johnnie Cochran, then it was John Johnson. Now it's Rosa Parks. Many notable people in our society and in the Black community are leaving this world and there is no one to take their place. Not that people should need a spokesperson or leader for their community. But, sometimes folks, regardless of who they are, need inspiration. Unfortunately, the only inspiration that anyone in today's society seems to have are those folks that have money. They can have absolutely no integrity or character. But, if they have a few million dollars to blow on cars, clothes, houses and whatever else today's celebrities spend money on, everyone wants to be like them. Now don't get me wrong, I would love to live the "fabulous life" and be able to spend like the best of them. However, I don't understand the getting married and divorced at the drop of a hat and then publicly hooking up with whomever, where ever and the like. I think that all of that behaviour is especially in poor taste when you know that young people in particular emulate what they see the celebs doing. Not that the likes of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez aren't human and that they can't make mistakes. But to publicly make a mockery of commitment and to seemingly discount the feelings of the people that they've left behind in a very public and in some cases cruel way is abhorent, regardless of who you are!!! I digress.

We need truly upstanding and solid people to be our leaders. We need people who have genuine moral values, and I don't mean the likes of George Bush and Dick Cheney who claim to be Christian, but don't seem to have a compassionate or remotely caring bone in their body for anything or anyone who isn't "one of them" or who doesn't have money to contribute to "their cause." The things that they have done are absolutely repugnant and to claim to be spiritual on top of all that and to use it to get people to follow them is an outrage! What's worse is that there are really people out there that see nothing wrong with our leadership and think that what they are doing is truly reflective of values and morals!!! We are a screwed up society, from our politics to our personal lives and it seems like things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better.

It's all about the shoes!

Eve, as you know, is a total copy cat. Whatever Rose (who I am going to really miss) and I get something, she wants to know where we bought it, how much, who makes it, etc. Then, she'll go out and buy it too.

A while back, I mentioned a coat and a pair of boots that I saw in the Bloomingdale's cataloge that I really wanted for my birthday, which is on Nov. 11th. I didn't mean to say where I saw them, but somehow (probably because I just talk too damned much) Bloomingdale's came up. I said that they were this beautiful pair of cowboy boots (I love and have loved cowboy boots).

A few weeks ago, Eve went to New York and while she was there, she did some shopping. Apparently, she scoped out the same coat that Rose had bought when she was in NYC as well, but decided that Rose might be mad at her if she bought the same coat in a different color (for once she was on the money). She told me all about the coat that she did eventually buy, but neglected to tell me that she also bought a pair of cowboy boots; that she mentioned to Rose. Anyway, I got so pissed because I just knew that the reason she hadn't mentioned the boots to me was because she bought the boots that I wanted (I put an emphasis on wanted because I don't have them at this point in time). So I am ranting to Rose and calling Chip and Honey and telling them about Eve and how much I can't stand that she does stuff like that and that the reason she didn't tell me about the boots is because she knew I would be pissed and on and on and on. All that, and come to find out, they weren't the boots that I want.

Well, last week, I decide that I want this pair of boots that I saw on the Nordstrom website. I wanted to see them in person and try them on before buying them. So, I decided to go to the store and get them. They, unfortunately, didn't have the boots that I went there for, but had some other cute ones that I decided to try on. The one pair that I liked, matches this really funky belt that I bought at a little boutique around the way. I decided that those were the ones that I was going to buy that night.

The next day, I wore my funky belt and my boots to work. Eve takes one look at my shoes and says that she "needs those boots." She goes on and on about them and I just veered the conversation onto something else. A little while later, as I am talking to Rose in her office, Eve comes in and starts in about my boots again and is literally standing over me to inspect them. She then tells me how they look just like and have the same stitching as the boots that she bought. Eve proceeds to ask me who makes them, at which point I told her that I wasn't going to tell her. She keeps on it for a little while longer and finally realizes that I am not giving up the scoop and let's it go.

As I am continuing my conversation with Rose, it finally dawns on me, I bought the same boots that Eve did, only in a different color!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?! After all the smack that I talked about her buying the same stuff that I have, I turned around and bought the same damned boots that she bought!!!! Unbelieveable!

I know, I know . . . It's been a while . . .

. . .But, things have been pretty crazy in my neck of the woods. I mentioned before that I was waiting to hear about another job that I had applied and interviewed twice for. Well, I am happy to say that I was offered and accepted my new position as a recruiter for a fairly large private organization in Washington, DC. I know that I have only been at my current job for 8 months, but it had to be done. The things that I was told that I would be able to do here just haven't happened and don't look likely to really happen any time soon. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and find something that I would like better; and I think that I did.

My last day is Nov. 4 and I start the following Monday at the new gig. Everyone thinks that I should take some time off, but I would just rather jump right in and get started. Plus, Thanksgiving will be a few weeks off from then so I'll have a few days off for that. Anyway, I am really looking forward to being back in the mix of things . . . at least during the day. I still have to go back to suburbia at night. Oh well, you can't have it all I suppose (but damn it, I sure am trying to!).

One of the great things about this new job is that I will be working just across the hall from Chip! All of the other people that I have met, thus far, seem really nice (though I think that they will provide a lot of food for a blog), but I have to say that it will be nice seeing my best friend on a daily basis again. It will be almost like we are back in law school, only we won't have that ridiculous amount of stress to deal with now!

It was more difficult that I thought to make the decision to leave my current job. While my boss drives me absolutely insane, there is definitely a certain amount of comfort that I have here. I am pretty much able to come and go as I please (of course I don't abuse it) and things are very laid back. If I was a little older, maybe with a kid or two, this would probably be perfect. But, what I didn't want to have happen was that I get complacent here and then go somewhere else and actually have to do work, only to look at the people like they are crazy to actually ask me to do something. I wanted to keep my interest in being challenged and being busy at its highest. A new change of environment was certainly in order.

In the meantime, Honey was planning on giving his two week notice on the same day that I was giving mine. The difference was, Honey called me at about 7:30 Monday morning to tell me that he was actually quitting that day. It seems that while he had a few days off, his asshole supervisor decided to schedule Honey with late shifts on the two nights in the week that Honey has classes. To add insult to injury, the Asshole also forbid anyone from taking Honey's shifts and required that everyone do there own, NO EXCEPTIONS! Well, with that scheduling move, Honey would have missed two weeks of classes. That wasn't going to happen so he quit right then and there. Actually, he went to the contract headquarters and told his actual boss that he was quitting; I wish he would have told the Asshole that he could kiss his ass now 'cause he's out. But, Honey did the right thing and avoided a conflict. So, I have a stay-at-home husband now . . . well, at least I have for the last 3 days.

Today he has an interview with another contractor. This one seems rather normal if that is at all possible in that line of work. It's for part-time work, which is what he was planning on doing once he started school full-time next semester. It's happening a little earlier than expected, but we'll manage. Hopefully, all will go well today and he will be up and working (part-time) in no time. So, now you see why I haven't written in a minute. Be back soon.

What a fabulous outfit!

Rose looks incredible today! She has on this off-white twill denim style jacket with ruffles along the front, the neckline and the sleeves, with this pine green cordouroy skirt with fringe on the seems and tall, brown riding boots. She looks really, really fabulous . . . total magazine material.

As much as I would like to call myself a total fashion "do" and perhaps even a trendsetter, Rose can easily take the cake for this one. She really does have an "on point" sense of style and a boyfriend's bank account to satisfy that desire to be fabulous. We actually talked a little about that this morning.

I was telling her that I have been feeling a little down lately and that desire to go shopping (my usual antidote for the "blues") is getting stronger and stronger. I'm trying to fight it, but I just keep wanting to go shopping more and more. The history is, I have a shopping problem. I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction because I can control it (at least most of the time). However, because of my issues from back in the day--when I used to shop to make up for the things that were missing in my life--I have more than one's requisite amount of credit card debt. So, because I have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to the credit card companies (yes there's more than one) each month and I have limited myself to spending only the money that I have in my checking account (unless it is a legitimate emergency . . . and the newest Kate Spade does not count--unfortunately) my shopping expeditions have been cut down tremendously! Now, not only am I down about feeling like I should be doing more and doing something else with my life, I get even more down because I don't even have the money to do the one thing that really gives me that pick-me-up that I need every once in a while!!!

All of that being said, while I wish that I had access to an abundance of funds as it would seem Rose does, I wouldn't trade what I have with Honey. He may not or I should say that we may not be able to spend money on lavish hotels and exotic dinners out on a regular basis, but I never question Honey's commitment to me, whether or not I am his top priority and there is no doubt that I am his one and only! Rose may have a killer wardrobe, but she doesn't have the man that she wants and I think she deserves. Although, did I mention that she has a killer wardrobe?

On the flip side, my boss is out of her damned mind. This past weekend, Eve had to attend a function for work. It was a cocktail kind of event and her husband got sick and couldn't come with her. She was going to wear this one cocktail dress, but her neuroses wouldn't allow her to wear it without her husband, because people might be looking at her inappropriately. Anywho, she goes out and buys this $1800 St. John dress or suit, I can't remember which, for this stupid event!!! Can you believe that?!?!?!?!

Now, the funny thing about this is, one day, she and I were talking about designers and who makes what and what things cost, etc. I mentioned that I really liked this St. John jacket that I saw at Nordstrom, but that I wasn't interested in spending $450 for something that I wasn't sure I would like in a year. Eve responded that she didn't know how people could spend that kind of money on St. John clothes. I felt it only natural to mention that my Mom wears a lot of St. John and the money spent is well spent, especially for the more classic pieces because they are timeless. Then she tried to clean it up and say that she couldn't do it . . . she just couldn't in good consciousness spend that kind of money on clothes.

Well, there are two things that I have to say about that. One, she does spend that kind of money on clothes, just not all at one time or on just one thing. Second, I am going to assume that she bought that St. John thing while having an out of body experience because she said that she just couldn't see plausible, she has MPD (multiple personality disorder) and was not her reasonable self when she bought that outfit! Who knows? But one thing is for sure, her refinance money is getting pissed away!!!!

All about me . . .

I'm in my late twenties and have a relatively new job (although I am currently waiting to hear about another one) and a brand new husband. Mine has been a rather interesting ride, though not particularly wild so to speak.

I am the older of two children in my family. My sister is 3 years younger than I am and is a total free spirit. I, on the other hand, have always traveled the straight and narrow. I always did what I was supposed to, went above and beyond and was essentially the model child. Yes, I definitely acted out on occasion, but I am nothing like my little sister.

I've always been very strong academically, socially and in all things that I have done (at least until law school). When I was getting my bar exam application ready, I had to get character letters from people who had known me for 10 years or something like that. One of my letters was from a family friend who described me as having "the midas touch" in which everything that I did, I did extremely well. Interesting that someone would say that about me during one of the darkest times in my life.

During the first week of law school, I came to the realization that it was not the place for me. But, despite my best efforts, I ended up finishing 3 years later. In the meantime, but for a few shining moments, law school was a total nightmare and 3 years that I wish that I could literally erase from my mind and life, though I will say that I grew and learned a lot personally about myself that I don't know would have happened in any other situation. So, it wasn't an entire waste.

I went through boughts of depression (though never suicidal) and really questioned my self-worth and my abilities. I thought that I was a total fraud. All of these people thought so highly of me, but I wasn't producing the sterling grades and building the foundation for this super, high-powered legal career that everyone (myself included) was expecting. I felt like a total failure and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. In the meantime, I met my very best friend, Chip, and the person that I consider to be my soulmate. I don't think that I would have made it out of law school without him . . . hell, I probably wouldn't have made it through a lot of things without him.

Since graduating law school, it's been quite a roller coaster ride. As I said in my profile, I am "searching" and one of the things that I am searching for is meaningful work in my life. What I am doing now is meaningful--I'm a consultant for a small state organization focused on education. But, between the politics involved in the organization and my crazy ass boss, I don't know that I will ever be able to fully do what it is that I would like to do to make a meaningful contribution to people's lives. Plus, I like it, but I don't see myself there indefinitely, at least not the way things currently are.

There's so much more to share about me, but I think that it's rather much for one posting. It's a little background into who I am I suppose.

Chip and Honey

If ever there was an ideal friendship, my friendship with Chip is just that. No matter what the circumstances, what the situation, hell, high water, good, bad and ugly, he has always been there for me and I for him. I think that each of us is meant to experience life changing things during the course of our lives and my relationship with Chip is one of the experiences that I was meant to have.

It's been an interesting dynamic having a man as your best friend and then meeting Honey. Chip has always (aside from my dad) been the man in my life. We've gone to things with each other, over the years, as each others' "date." Chip is in a relationship, but is not comfortable going to certain events with his significant other, though that has definitely changed over the years. Chip and I would do what any best friends do, go shopping together, watch movies, go on trips, stay up all night talking, you name it we've probably done it. Then came Honey.

Honey had decided from very early on, he was going to be my husband. He knew that Chip and I were close, but I don't think he realized the depth of our relationship. In the beginning, Chip and Honey used to "piss on their hydrant" and try to establish their boundaries as far as I went. Chip would say, " . . . as long as he understands his place and mine" or something like that. Honey would just be all out selfish and not want to share. It seemed as though things were balancing out. Honey and I got engaged, but a few months after that, Chip's mother got really sick and passed away.

I didn't want to leave Chip's side . . . I helped with the funeral preparations (as best as I could--I hadn't, prior to Chip's mother's passing, experienced the death of someone close to me) and getting things situated leading up to the funeral. In general, I just wanted to be with him at all times and do whatever needed to be done to keep him comfortable. Honey got really jealous and that was probably the only time that I actually questioned whether or not he was "the one" for me. That for him was the revelation of the depth of my friendship with Chip and I think that he realized that Chip was there before him and if he didn't get his shit together, he was going to be around instead of him. Things have definitely settled down now, but the kinks definitely had to be worked out.

Honey still gets a little bunch in his boxers when I say that Chip is my best friend (Honey thinks that he should be my best friend and he is as well as Chip). Chip doesn't like to call people "best friends" for some reason that he's articulated to me before. But, I don't think that that reasoning applies to me . . . I know my place in his life and he knows his place in mine. Our friendship is unconditional and I can't think of anything that could happen that could change that.

The same is true with Honey. Yes, he's a husband and that inherently makes him likely to do incredibly stupid things that will piss me off. But, he is the one person who can do all of those things and still make me laugh my ass off . . . even if I don't want to. He's my "Honey" and I love him unconditionally too!

Time to go to work!

My husband has the day off today. It figures that it's Friday, it's raining and he didn't have to be out of bed at the crack of dawn (as he usually is), which then made my efforts of getting out of bed about an hour too late to actually make it to work semi-on time. But, it was definitely nice snuggling with him this morning, though he was interested in doing much more.

I met and fell in love with my husband about 3 years ago. He came into my life totally unexpectedly and swept me off of my feet. We've had what I guess you could call a whirlwind romance--we had been dating for 3 or 4 months when he told me that he wanted to marry me, got engaged 7 months after that and got married a year after being engaged. But, during that relatively short time period, we have been through more together than some married couples face during their entire marriage. Instead of running from each other, we supported one another through some really tough times (more about that in another posting) and even though all exit doors were open and both of us could have run from each other like our hair was on fire, we didn't and got married in a very intimate affair 4 months ago.

Our wedding day was the most wonderful day of my life!! If I could do it over again, I totally would. Not because there are things that I wish we could have done differently, but because the feelings and emotions that we experienced that day were so true and sweet and genuine . . . that's a once in a lifetime experience and I would like to relive it over and over and over again. I am sure that it will get old after a while, but I just can't get enough of our wedding pictures, looking at our ceremony program, thinking about how I felt when I first went up on the altar with him, him holding my hand and rubbing my arm thoughout the ceremony, the way my parents looked . . . oh, everything was just so wonderful!!!!

We didn't do much for our "honeymoon." We told people that we went to the beach, just so that no one would call us or so that we (mostly me) wouldn't feel compelled to talk to and do things with other people while we had taken the week after our wedding off. And, we wanted time away from work and to just be with each other with nothing wedding related to do. It was just quality me and him time and it was perfect.

It was the first time, since we had bought (one of the reasons that we didn't go on a true honeymoon) and moved into our house last December, that we were able to spend a substantial amount of time in it. We both commute pretty long distances to work each day and we are usually out and about every weekend. So, to be at home for a whole week, with nothing to do or no schedule to keep, was really a lot of fun actually. We'd hang out at a nearby pool during the day, go to different restaurants and stuff. At night we would watch movies, read and talk with one another. It truly was relaxing and we both hated to go back to work that Monday.

We didn't go away for our honeymoon for a number of reasons, but the main ones were that we had primarily paid for the wedding ourselves, after my husband hadn't been working for 3 months after we bought our house. Needless to say, the money wasn't flowing and we weren't going into the "poor house" just to say we went to some exotic locale for our honeymoon. As long as we were together, that's all that mattered!

So, that's the short story of "Honey" and me. More about just me in a posting to follow.

I love her, but how stupid can she be?

My friend Rose has been dating this guy Mitchell for just over 3 years. They both used to work together at an architectural engineering firm. When they met, both were married to other people but were good friends with one another and were faithful to their spouses. Rose and Mitchell have since divorced their former spouses--at least I know for sure about Rose. Mitchell is the one that I have doubts about and here's why.

Rose never calls him; he always calls her. In the entire time that they have been together, Rose has never been to Mitchell's house. He's a major player at the firm and supposedly travels all the time, particularly now since he's managing this huge project that the firm was awarded. The only time that he goes over to her house is at night, usually after 9 and he never spends the night with her, unless they meet at a hotel somewhere, usually in another city not far from where we all are. She seems to see nothing wrong with this because she sees it as their chance to get away. Now call me crazy, but doesn't something seem not quite right about their situation?

We talk a lot about our relationships and she tells me about her plans with him and what she hopes to be doing. She seems to think that they are going to get married soon (though they still are not yet engaged) and buy a house together, etc. The problem that I have is that every time they are about to do something, like go shopping for an engagement ring or put an offer in on a house, something major comes up that thwarts that effort, particularly the effort that must be exhibited from him.

For example, last week Rose found this house that she totally fell in love with. It had all the bells and whistles that she wanted and that would presumably be agreeable to him. He was "out of town" and had to go and see it without her when he got back. An offer had previously been presented to the seller, but was rejected for being too low so the seller was still accepting offers and waiting for the original offeror to resubmit another offer.

In the meantime, Mitchell and Rose met up at a swanky hotel for a relaxing evening together. Apparently, when she brought up the house, he found everything wrong with it that he possibly could. This, needless to say, resulted in a huge blow up and they didn't have a very good night. The next day, he told her that he thought a lot about what she had said the night before and he had reconsidered. Mitchell told Rose that he was going to put an offer in on the house that afternoon and that it would be competitive.

Well, he made an offer all right. He totally low-balled it . . . essentially offering almost $100,000 less than the asking price because he said that he didn't want to buy the most expensive house in a new development. Without a doubt, their offer was rejected and the seller accepted another offer. Just an example of how Mitchell sabotages any type of progression toward what Rose seems to be wanting and dreaming of.

Now as she tells me all of these things, I can't help but wonder if she's really that dumb and desperate or is she really just oblivious to the fact that he "just isn't that into her?" I know that as her friend, I should be more forthcoming in my thoughts regarding this situation. But, women tend to be very protective of their men and relationships. Instead of taking my suggestions or listening to my words of warning, she'd likely get angry and resent my comments. Then what? I lose a friend because of some loser?

I keep hoping that at some point she will come to her senses and realize that she's being led by a string by this man. He doesn't, at least at no time in the immediate future, intend to make a commitment to her and basically allows her to spend his money to keep her appeased while he continues to pull his stunts and shinanigans. But, I think as long as the money keeps flowing, she'll hang in there. Now that's sad! But, damn if she doesn't have a killer wardrobe, shoes, jewelry and handbags! I'll talk about that in another posting.

My crazy, neurotic and obsessive boss

There are a total of five people in my office--4 women and one man. Mary is the Adminstrative Assistant, Jon and Rose are my colleagues (though Rose's title makes her technically my and Jon's supervisor) and Eve (as in "The Three Faces of . . .") is our boss.

When I started here in February, everyone got along wonderfully. Soon after I started, I attended a professional conference with Rose and Eve. While I had always thought that Eve was a charming woman, my opinion of her had begun to change before we traveled together, but went completely downhill during the trip. Rose and I, on the other hand, began to bond during that trip and have developed quite a friendship with one another.

Eve, as I have come to find out, has some really serious issues. She is in her late forties and contrary to what she would have you believe is still very insecure about who she is and how she is perceived (which is completely insincere by many). One of her many problems is her inability to understand boundaries.

Rose and I are very into fashion and like to wear things that are unique and express our individual sense of style. Eve, on the other hand, has no sense of her own style and literally buys whatever outfit the visual person has put on a mannequin in the store. The problem is, Eve has taken to not only inquisitioning us as to every little thing that we buy (where did you get it, how much was it, who's the designer, etc.), she will go out and in many instances buy exactly the same thing.

It's a very small office and we work within a closely knit environment. If you have the same thing that someone else has, everyone knows it. Eve needs to grow the fuck up and stop trying to be like Rose and I. She is a grown woman and needs to act like one. We're not in high school anymore!!!

What makes it even worse is that she spends well beyond her means. She is in credit card debt up to her eyeballs (I know this because she tells us this, after she's been shopping) and has absolutely no savings. She has a daughter that will soon be ready for college, she and her husband have no college fund established for her. She's borrowed money from her mother and refinanced her home twice to pay down her debt. Once she pays off the credit cards, she charges them right back up again or spends whatever little bit of money that they do have on clothes and stuff. It's really sad if you ask me.

There's so much more that I could say, but it drives me crazy sometimes just thinking about it. Days at work can be extremely draining and it's not because I've worked so hard at work; it's because I have to "manage" my boss all day. Be back soon.

. . . and so it begins . . .

I tend to have a lot to say about things, but know that sometimes, you just have to keep things to yourself . . . and then share them with others who can appreciate your point of view. That's why I have started this blog! Comments are greatly appreciated, so feel free to share what you have to say too. Stay tuned for more . . .